#got a new job at a good company
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HOLY SHIT. I THINK TODAY IS LIKE. EXACTLY A YEAR SINCE I STARTED TAKING TESTOSTERONE
#BREAK OUT THE FUCKING CAKE AND PINATAS#I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE.............#goddd that feels like. literally ages ago. like r we sure its only been a year...... has it not been like two or three.........#it feels like ive been on it forever bc it just feels like This is how i'm supposed 2 be. like this is how my body's always been#wdym there was a Before it feels like i've Always been like this yk#god. man. good fucking year#i mean it kinda sucked in a lot of ways but i got on t and i moved out and i got a new job that does kinda suck but at least i can go there#and not have horrible coworkers and not feel Immense Company Pressure and also not feel like i wanna kms#man. man!!!!!!!!!#whiskey yelling into the void
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I am really tired of a situation rn.
#fe three houses#felix hugo fraldarius#me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine#can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp#and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene#so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth#literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic#i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like#bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved#cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered#idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam#and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified#there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them#and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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I see a lot of people I knew from school posting pictures on their social medias with all their friends doing various fun things together. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home wishing I could take a group photo with all my Tumblr mutuals to post so I can brag about having the best friends.
#too much of my social life is based on Tumblr but i really don't get out much since I don't have a job and i made like 1 friend in school#so i don't really know anyone to hangout with other than my siblings and my one friend#and i don't go out much exept for occasionally to the library or the store so i don't get the chance to meet new people#i used to have all 5 of my sisters at home and that was all the company i needed#but now they've all moved out except for my younger sister and im realizing that im very deeply lonely#i need to get a social life! but how!#Also i think this is part of the reason I jumped into things too quickly with my ex gf now my best friend#like I was so excited that i had found someone who was just as interested in being friends with me as i was with her#that i misstook my feelings for her as romantic ones cuz i was so lonely and she was such a good friend#and i was so scared to tell her cuz I didn't want to ruin our relationship. it didn't. we're still besties.#but i think im so lonely idk if I'll be able to know the difference between platonic and romantic feelings#and part of that definitely comes from being ace as well#anyways there's my tangent for the night about why I need a better social life and maybe a bit of therapy too#haha that got super personal oops 😬#might delete these tags later
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also, mini update!
I have officially completed my 2 week mentorship program and today I completed on-boarding for my job! monday is my first official day working as a vet at my hospital!!! I’ll be shadowing one of the experienced doctors in surgery on monday, then on tuesday I will be completing a lecture to earn my USDA certification so I can perform travel certificates for pets, and then wednesday I will be seeing my first ever patients as a doctor! I’m super excited but definitely nervous. these 2 weeks of mentorship have helped me to get back into the rhythm of all things vet med and have eased some of my nerves and anxiety!
I also received cookies, a yeti flask bottle, and a card signed by all the staff in my hospital welcoming me to the clinic and saying how excited they are to work with me! also exciting is that I get a semi-private office! I’m sharing with the managing doctor of the practice and I get my own side of the desk with my own computer and get to decorate it however I want! and since the managing doctor is starting to work less hours at the clinic, it will be more my office than hers since I’ll be spending more time at the hospital than she will!
it’s feeling so damn real, yall! I’m a doctor 🥹
#sapphire rambles#my dream job is finally happening#it’s been a really good 2 weeks learning from some amazing doctors#I visited 4 different clinics that are within the same company#and I learned a lot and got to help with surgeries (which yall know how much I love surgery)#I’ve gotten to see some really cool cases and learn from amazing doctors how to handle easy and difficult cases#it’s going to be scary doing it on my own but I’m so excited#dr sexy’s veterinarian journey#<< creating a new tag for my work talk on this blog#so weird that I can now retire the ‘vet school adventures’ tag since I’m no longer a vet student. I’m a doctor now 🥺
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when you find out your creepy and inept general manager just got fiirrrreeeddd
#that dude was BAD NEWS and we knew from the jump#lets gooo!!!!#this new hr lady this company hired is 🔥🔥🔥#hell yeah!#she's doing an amazing job#well. so far#lotsa good changes recently after she got on board#fingers crossed she fires this absolute nutcase of our middle manager... that bitch NEEDS ta go!!!#clown horn
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So, uh, to say work has been stressful and basically killing any will of mine to do anything, including some very important things,I didn’t get the queue filled up. And I’m having a marathon of Los Espookies with my friend today, so I’ll try and get some images tonight and work on them tomorrow. You know those super amazingly edited screen caps you all come here.
#I’m really sorry but I think two days this week I spent 4-5 hours an evening looking and applying for other jobs#and when I say the job market sucks in the US I don’t think I can overstate it#I had two pages of recommended for you that was just ai training for writers#no writer is going to apply for that#good news I got some of my Superboy fan comic plotted out by a decent amount#bad news my Nightwing one Court of Owls adjacent Al Ghul one and Cas and Bruce one have gotten no love#ah I hate it all#remember kids companies and employers you owe nothing to and if they make their bed let them lay in it#don’t be a coward like me
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mysme is doing wonders for my mental health i miss you so much my defender of justice 707 my love my star my planet the light of my life the bfest bf to ever bf the earth
#teenager me got good taste. my twenty something ass is falling again for this man i love him#truly good for mental health at the cost of non peaceful night sleep? what a deal. i love you mysme#the fandom is dead but coming back to this game is the best choice i ever made this year so far#i love you mysme. take me back to 2016 again except dont that year was shit but i do miss you a lot#ESPECIALLY YOU!!! CHOI TWINS!!!!! SAEYOUNGIE!!! SAERANAH!!!!! I WUV YOU TWO!!!!!!!#saeyoung especially dear god if a man does not love you as much and as deeply and as multi dimensional LITERALLY as seven is he even worth#ah i love him#ALSO ZEN GOD i used to go aw he is so sweet and cute now im loving him a whole lot. gimme hourglasses pretty boy. and i love ur rants go of#his calls in seven's route day 8 forgot what time is the best. my guy i want u as my older bro#yoosung is so cute. his whining about uni life is so relatable. my introverted gacha game addicted ass get you lil guy#AND JAEHEE GOOD LORD JAEHEE.#as a teenager? she is cool. now? im screaming she is stronger than me anD#quitting her corporate job?? to open?? a coffee shop?? with me???? that's like. peak ideal marriage happy end there tf. CHERITZ.#cheritz i also wanna lie down in lingerie. on the bed with her too. CHERITZ GIMME THE CG#except cheritz no longer give mysme new content except for home screen which is gracious already#anw this is not about the game company MYSME!!!! I MISS YOU!!! THE FANDOM IS LONG DEAD!!! BUT!!!#SEVEN O SEVEN IS ETERNAL!!!! god he is branrotting me like he never did before the grip is insane#im laughing im crying saeyoung i love you#babblings#cant believe im returning to this blog just for this
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Processing some things
Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)
#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style.#Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look.#Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix#Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3)#<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off'#like...not just handing it to him#I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3#I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!'#I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK???#Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay#In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic#reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be#friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay#Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her#Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes)#just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe#SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS#Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow-#Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz...#literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him#OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism.....#TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme#(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain....#Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but#by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to#do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people.#<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision#and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves#OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM#Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!
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#personal#why do i feel like no matter what i do im failing#got a new job at a good company? heres a bill for $3k with your new insurance#stayed after dnd to hang out with your brother? missed a call from your boyfriend and hes upset#play with your dog? so many fucking bites#cant something just work out#please#i feel like such a piece of shit all the time#i make promises to be better and just. dont.#why would anyone want to be around me if i cant be a decent fucking person#text people back? nah. be more loving? nah. check out completely and leave the burden to your boyfriend? yeah absolutely#i fucking hate myself#i hate this lazy piece of shit that i am and i hate how i make other people feel#im so so fucking tired
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Cackling I just think this is funny
#so like i get a job interview as a teacher and im accepted and everything#somehow i miss the fact that i gotta relocate to new york#so already im like damn i was soooo excited but i moved to my new place mainly to get treatment so its a no#but rhey are like. up my ass trying to give me incentives to work for em#and i dunno how job searching works but i deadass have never seen a company do thirsty for my inexperienced ass#so i get suspicious#ESPECIALLY when they say if i refer someone to work therr and they do i get a 3k bonu#like???? wat is this ubereats????#so i search it up. its a charter school in new York#THE DIRTY LAUNDRY THE SKETCHYNESS THE BAD WORK ENVIRONMENT???#i said oooo thats y. its got a high turnover rate :/ everybody dying there#so guess eho got do excited they landed a seemingly amazing job only to find out theu would work me like a machine#and probably??? make me traumatize kids just for the good scores
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#i have a new job#had several interviews in the last 3 weeks#and the one on tuesday was really really good and they told me right away that they want me#got the draft of the contract yesterday and they've paying even more than we talked about#today i told them i'm taking the job#i start in january#i didn’t hear back from the other companies so technically i wasn’t refused by any of them 😉#but the 2 interviews with that company felt just right#i hope i made the right decision but atm it just feels right#it's kinda exciting#personal
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just a rant, completely ignorable x
#seriously it’s just me venting#cause fucking hell#i just had to block a 30 year old man who used to come to the gym i worked at#he was visiting the island for a couple weeks and i like new patrons and i was always friendly#so we got to know one another a bit and while he was there i enjoyed his company cause he was goofy and stupid#but also seemed like a good guy#like didn’t want to leave when one of the customers was being creepy before making sure i was okay#or assuring me if i needed anything he was there#because i had ended up telling him about some of the shit that would happen at my job after an Incident#anyway#he was fully and explicitly aware of how much i get creeped on#and expressed sympathy and concern#his last day was my day off and i didn’t see him#but he’d told me if that happened i could text him goodbye cause his number was in the system#so i did that#told him to tell his friend i said bye too but he hadn’t given me permission to access his info#and then he kept texting me#gradually got creepier#then it hit valentine’s day and he called me ‘pretty lady’ and i resolved to stop answering#over five months later and he won’t leave me the fuck alone#i couldn’t block him because i was worried he’d come back to the gym and it would be more uncomfortable#so i didn’t#then tonight he texted me again#so i finally blocked him#but i just feel so fucking stupid for not seeing it coming#like fucking hell#why are men like this#i’m so over it#anyway that’s my rant because that really shook me tonight :)
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[Image description: a photograph of a very bland looking cubical office, with two Autism Creatures added. They are both wearing red ties, and red, friendly-looking text above their heads reads:
Autistic Auditors, Inc
/End ID.]
starting a new company, Autistic Auditors, where we send blunt autistic people to check up on things like companies to stand there and be like “actually that thing the CEO said made no sense, elaborate” and pushing them to actually explain their dodgy corporate language that avoids accountability and reliability. Just really grind them down with repeated “why” and “but what does that mean” and writing down the answers in clear and obvious language.
IDK I’m just sick of hearing how Business Bros talk and how many people are suckers for it. I want blunt people standing there going “hey, that guy didn’t actually SAY anything, he just strung together a bunch of nonsense corporate words to make you think ‘ooo profit’ but there’s nothing substantial here”
We would do the same to politicians.
#This is kind of actually how I got my current job tho#At the company I work for#I got kicked out of a meeting about licensing and pricing because I misunderstood the purpose#I thought the purpose was to come up with and discuss ideas so that we could have...good ideas#No the job was to make the CTO feel better about himself and tell him how great he was#Now I'm in a different area of the company also we have a new CTO and I'm in charge of a whole bunch of stuff like a whole office of teams#And our current CTO loves when I call bullshit#Well#90% of the time#Which is way better#Legit most of the successful people at this company are either actually diagnosed autistic#Or very very autistic-like but unknown diagnosis to me#With a few folks with bad ADHD sprinkled in#You'd think they could be a little more accommodating to it generally#I have great accomodations but not everyone gets the flexibility I do which sucks#Described
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#tag talk#just dropped one of my pill bottles and the cap came off and I just closed my eyes dreading the mess#but then I look down and it's sitting upright in the carpet with a single pill beside it. I have been spared#finally took a full and proper shower. gonna get my bedsheets changed. do some laundry. I'm recovering from the stress pretty well I think#thinking about what to do about work. I don't really wanna go back to my old job (transfer to new store in same company)#but I think for the time being that's my best option. I don't wanna burn through savings while looking for something else.#there's two locations within biking distance so that's cool.#and then I can look at getting re-certified for nursing assistant shit after having a stable part time job.#there's an adult education center in town that runs condensed cna courses every 3-4 months so I'll hop on that when a new one starts#I need to see if they offer Spanish classes or if I need to register at the local community college for that.#I'm in a really heavily Hispanic area and I fucking hate being the clueless white guy who doesn't understand what's being said#I haven't been great about working on it on my own since the move has absolutely had me burnt out#but I knew this move was gonna be the start of a few different goals so I just gotta ease back into the swing of things#I still need to eventually get set up with insurance and a care provider but honestly that's a big task that I'm going to wait on.#I have a stock of adhd meds and my hrt so I won't need to worry about that for 3 months or so.#got my room pretty much all unpacked. kitchen is usable now.#the dishwasher is jank though. it works just fine but it's not secured to the cabinet/counter so it rocks forward when opened. kinda sketch#anyway. I'm doing good. I'm really aware of the neet tendency to just sit and rot and I'm actively working to avoid that outcome.#hence why I'm gonna transfer to a new store here. I need something to keep me active so I don't congeal and calcify.#anyway. thanks for being my diary. I'm gonna go make my bed now
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I sometimes remember that I used to work in a bank which was one of the most socialist corporations in the country and laugh at the irony of it. But it's also a reminder that even the perfect world version of a corporation is still a corporation and it sucks your soul out.
#we had to be unionized#no one could ever be laid off unless they commited a crime#eveyone working there was a shareholder of the company#if you couldn't get along with your team they just changed your team#if you had repeat problems they got you counseling#if your job became obsolote they trained you and gave you a new position#it was as good as it could get but it was still suffocating because... capitalism#and yeah pizza parties
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